The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus does Schueberfouer 2017
All protests were vain, the “Souterrain du Glacis” underpass for pedestrians has been demolished several weeks before Schueberfouer’s 2017 edition. But a new attraction is spotted on the fair with medieval roots. Read the story of local politicians who went for a ride and met for a beer afterwards.
2017’s edition of Schueberfouer started mid August, like every year in City of Luxembourg. This time, the shape of Glacis field had slightly changed. Works for the new tram required taking away space on the North side in the Allée Scheffer. On the South side of Glacis, a pedestrian underpass from the early 1990s had been recently demolished, as the large half circle of fresh tarmac easily revealed to anyone having a look under his feet.
Ferdinand Putsch and Anthea Tanner decided to have an evening of fun at the fair. September would be full of stress ahead of local elections. Tanner was running for reelection in the local city council.
We're looking at an old fashioned and very shabby travelling theatre. Electric footlights are powered by a clanking generator. The pediment above the stage carries the words:
THE ASTONISHING IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS.PERCY indicates a ticket dispenser attached to the front of
the stage.
PERCY
Take a ticket and join the queue!
Only five quid a go! There's no
greater bargain on planet earth!
“Why not,” said Ferdinand Putsch, “as you know me, I’m far too old for the other action games.”
“This does not look like the usual ghost trains,” replied Anthea Tanner, “it is a bit unexpected. Could they not find something more fancy?”
“Come on, Anthea, don’t be a chicken. Let us give it a try.”
“Ferdi, don’t you find it strange to have such an old traveling theater on the precise place where the Souterrain du Glacis underpass used to be?”
“Oh, don’t remember me that stupid underpass. We have both been harassed for months in social media by those, those,” Putsch was searching for the right words to use, “taliban mentality cyclists!”
Tanner agreed: “You are right, now that it’s gone, nobody will remember it in a few years. For national elections next year, people will have moved on. Good for you, green grass will literally have grown over that issue.”
“Wrong, grass won’t grow on this tarmac converted into a dozen parking slots. But I got the idea”, Putsch replied with a wink.
Tanner nervously laughed, while she was buying two tickets.
Putsch and Tanner then realised that they were standing in the queue directly behind the local opposition trio Laurel Amadeus, Sergio Willma and Moritz Pawn.
“Shhh,” Putsch whispered close to Tanner’s ear, “it’s dark and they haven’t noticed us yet. Let’s listen a bit.”
“Do you know who coined the expression panem et circenses,” Laurel Amadeus asked his fellows Sergio Willma and Moritz Pawn? “I would love to post it on my Squeeter account, but my followers don’t understand Latin and it’s not a full phrase anyway.”
“It must be from the antique Roman empire?”, Willma guessed.
“Of course you smarty,” Amadeus croaked back, “but a name please?”
“That’s too difficult for us,” Pawn said, “we do not possess a ton of books with famous quotes like you do and we do not spend our time reading them.”
Amadeus a bit upset: “Panem et circenses is by Juvenal, he wrote his Satires in dactylic hexameter!”
“I could as well have asked you how many hectoliters beer are drunk per hour in the Black Forest house over there,” Willma counterattacked, “you would not know.”
“But I could make an estimated guess”, Pawn interjected with a large smile.
Amadeus: “It’s our turn soon, who will go first? Sergio, you are the youngest!” Leaning over to Pawn, Amadeus whispered “We will have time to discuss some business on our own.”
“Good, I will go first,” Willma agreed, “but you can see that there are several people ahead of us waiting to enter the Imaginiarium. From here, I can spot our space exploration minister Steve Sartor, who is about to enter.”
“That waiting time is unfortunate,” Amadeus said, “perhaps we should all agree to meet in the Black Forest house after our turns in the Imaginarium.
Tanner looked at Putsch and both nodded: they would also join the trio at a table in the big beer tent after having had their go on the Imaginarium.
An hour later, we are now in the Black Forest house, which was as every evening very crowded. Streams of beer in a dedicated environment probably did explain that popularity. It was hard to find a place to settle, but Laurel Amadeus and Moritz Pawn finally managed to find the table that Sergio Willma had already reserved.
Pawn looked around and with a short hesitation asked Amadeus “Isn’t that Karl Dasbringts, the German automotive industry minister on the other table?”
Amadeus looked himself and replied “yes, you are absolutely right. He is even accompanied by Willhelm Grätschmann. That politician is for sure not from my colour, but he has the guts to put industry and economy over the rest.”
Of course, the so-called dieselgate affair was still on everyone’s mind. Seeing Dasbringst and Gretschmann in the beer tent of a foreign fair was not only highly unexpected, but even had a touch of conspiracy.
Amadeus, confident of his many foreign followers on his Squeeter social media account, walked over to the Germans. With few words, he invited Dasbringst and Grätschmann to come over to their table, what they did.
Suddenly, Amadeus hears a voice on his back “Do you have two more seats for us?” It was Putsch, asking with his familiar broad smile, “Tanner is about to leave the Imaginarium and will join us soon.”
The round was again interrupted, this time by Steve Sartor passing by “As I can see, we have guests from Germany, I hope you don’t mind if I join your round?”
Sartor just had made international headlines with his space exploration initiative, and was of course known to the foreign guests.
Tanner finally arrived at the table. “Could you order us eight beers, please?” Putsch promptly asks her.
“You must be joking,” Tanner replies on an infuriated tone, “we are standing here on the ground of the freshly demolished Souterrain du Glacis. For that decision, you wanted backed up by me, I took loads of flak from the active mobility community of this town, and you dare to ask me to bring you beer? Oh, and the waitress is coming anyway to our table.”
As a conversation starter with Sartor, Dasbringsts tried “So you are gonna mine the asteroids, electrical batteries future will be bright!”
“That is precisely the point, dear colleague. In space, robots will do the job currently done by children in African mines”, Sartor confirmed.
More doubtful as a man of figures, Pawn questioned “But space mining will always be too expensive. Who will be able to afford material imported from space in mass consumer products? Who?”
Putsch diverted with “Isn’t it a good thing, dear Pawn, that your Limpertsberg quarter will have clearer air through electrical cars? You like cars, don’t you?”
Putsch went on with “Air quality being permanently measured and published on the web, we cannot afford to expose people any longer to those fumes.”
Grätschmann opposed “It is easy for a small country like yours to let the car industry establishment undergo bankruptcy. In my land, economic stakes are high.”
With his economist’s mind, Sartor agreed that “Destroying an entire industry is a dangerous thing. 10 years ago, shortly after worldwide financial crash, economy was jumpstarted with the Abwrackprämie. The word sounds awful, but hey, what a success story for the industry!”
Putsch looked at Tanner and said “What better way to learn Realpolitik than from the Germans? Some sacrifices have to be made on the way, that is human history.”
“Sacrifices like the Souterrain du Glacis because of the building of the tram,” Tanner murmured to herself, “and Schueberfouer is more than three times older than the bicycle anyway”.
Sergio Willma, who had been carefully listening, interjected in an offended way “So with the massive push by politics for the electric cars, the Abwrackprämie trick is being pulled off again 10 years later? What about morality?”
Dasbringst drank his whole beer in one go.
Grätschmann put his new beer glass on the table and asked everyone “If I understand well, we all have been in the Imaginarium. How about everyone tells his experience?”
The local six looked at each other, and reluctantly agreed. Mainly to avoid being rude with their foreign guests.
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus is basically a magical mirror to explore our imaginations and present us with a choice between self-fulfilling enlightenment or gratifying ignorance.
Grätschmann went on: “I found it personally rather amusing, but noticed that Dasbringts was white as a sheet when he came out.
So Dasbringts started telling his experience: “I do not know how they did this, but this Imaginarium was really like entering a highly realistic dream world.
A nightmare in my case.
I had just been put on trial and my judgement was about to be executed. I had been convicted of having knowingly be silent about cheating devices in the exhaust scandal known as dieselgate. The judgement included all cheating devices in the whole world, not only German car brands.
The judge decided that I would not be put into a normal prison. My cell would have a special equipment. The cell was in fact a rather big storehouse, completely insulated with no windows and an air proof door.
Before making me step inside, the enforcement officer explained me how the punishment would be executed. The moment the door would be closed, all exhaust fumes generated by cars worldwide over the legal limit would be instantly blown into the warehouse.
After I entered the warehouse, the air-proof door was immediately shut. I was frightened. Within seconds, air quality became so bad that I started to cough. After just one minute or so, I fainted.”
“What an horrible end,” Tanner reacted, “but somehow preventable.”
“That is truly horrible,” Grätschmann agreed. “My Imaginarium experience is shorter to tell.
As said before, it was very amusing, as few would have imagined that possibility for a politician with my beliefs.
For having been the savior of the regional car industry, I was awarded with full honors the final Rudolf-Diesel-Medaille for lifetime achievements.
Additionally, a five meters high statue of me had been erected in the center of Stuttgart on top of the new underground train station.
End of the story!”
Everyone around the table busted out laughing.
Ferdinand Putsch: “Ok, I will now tell you my Imaginarium experience.
In future Nigeria, north of a small town called Bauchi, there is a lake that will have been turned into a center for worldwide recycling of used car batteries.
But we all know how African style recycling works. So you have to imagine the whole lake was filled with poisonous battery fluids. The air was not breathable and highly toxic.
Long story short, I was seated in an inflatable dinghy with a small leakiness. They abandoned me in the middle of that lake. Without paddles.”
“Guess that is a bit unfortunate”, Tanner giggled. The round busts out laughing again.
Then Laurel Amadeus tells his experience: “I was invited to the land of Sachsen, where a Laurel Amadeus appreciation society had been created in my honor. In a large hall, I had to preside a jury curating locals performing short quotes in a foreign language.”
“That sounds interesting,” Putsch interrupts him.
“Well, from there on it became weird”, Amadeus continues. “The public and the performers were mostly men, wearing paramilitary uniforms and many were bald headed. Despite them being fans of my Squeeter social media account, I did not really feel at my right place.”
Putsch: “But isn’t it a good thing that you brought a bit of culture to them through your squeeting?”
“Well, I am not sure,” Amadeus went on, “my doubts only grew bigger when we had our three finalists. Their quotes were ‘Bon voyage’, ‘C’est la vie’ and ‘Hasta la vista, baby’. Then I had to choose the winner.
I chose ‘C’est la vie’ as the winning quote, because the two other finalists seemed even more inappropriate to me in that context. Especially when thinking of the photo of a sinking refugee boat they kept projected at the wall during the ceremony.”
That experience made the whole round feel a bit uncomfortable. Soon, someone raised his beer glass and cheered. The others joined in.
To divert from his own, rather embarrassing experience in the Imaginarium, Amadeus nonchalantly asked Sergio Willma to tell his.
Willma began: “There was a problem. When I wanted to enter the magical mirror, the assistant of Dr. Parnassus stopped me. He said the Doctor was unable to read my mind, it felt like a gigantic lotus leave. Therefore he could not spot any vulnerabilities or flaws in my caracter to exploit for his Imaginarium stunt.
So he offered me something different. I could choose to meet either Robespierre, born on the same day than me, or an extra-terrestrial being.
I would have loved to meet E.T., but that would have violated my political line.
So I had to go for Robespierre.”
Amadeus with a malicious face asked “What did you learn from this?”
“Well, I should be more careful when giving statements in interviews. Being more substantial, perhaps?”
Amadeus: “And how did the experience end?”
“Robespierre eventually lost his head, and I took over from him at that point,” said Willma with an expression of slight horror on his face.
Foreign guests Karl Dasbringts and Willhelm Grätschmann found Willma’s experience rather interesting and even entertaining. The others in the round were rather unimpressed, as this sounded all too familiar.
Then it was Moritz Pawn’s turn to tell his experience.
“I woke up some morning in the year 2025 by the noise of huge machines in my neighbourhood on Limpertsberg. When looking through my windows, I could see bulldozers starting to tear down houses in my street.
Of course, I ran out of my villa in order to stop this.
But the foreman I spoke to was very unimpressed. He kept telling me that the project was decided for a year now, soon after the last school was closed.
The foreman insisted that his orders were to free up space on Limpertsberg to build the new highway from Bridel to the center of City of Luxembourg.”
Tanner could not avoid a laugh: “At least nothing will stop motorised traffic through Limpertsberg any longer, isn’t this what you wished for?”
“Good,” said Steve Sartor, “I guess it’s my turn now.
Once I went through the magical mirror, I was in the middle of a manned asteroid exploration mission. It was very exciting. With two other crew members, we were working taking samples.
For easier communication, every crew member had a different colored space suit.
Then something horrible happened.
One of my two fellows suddenly ran to the exploration module and started the engines. Before we could do anything, the module lifted off from the asteroid. Without us.
A few minutes later, we could see the module dock to the Crew Ship Vessel orbiting around the asteroid. We had oxygen left for an hour or so.”
“What a horrible death, ” Amadeus stated, hardly succeeding in hiding his grin. Meanwhile, Putsch drank his new beer in one go.
Anthea Tanner: “My Imaginarium experience is brief to tell.
After having lost local elections in the near future, I was happy to get a new job. I was put in charge of counting the people jaywalking on Boulevard de la Foire.
But this time, please count correctly, I was told.”
(the end)
DISCLAIMER & CREDITS
The characters and action in this story are purely fictitious. If the depiction of certain political practices should have resulted in similarities with the practices of certain politicians, these similarities are neither intended nor coincidental but inevitable.
Characters in order of appearance:
- Ferdinand Putsch and Anthea Tanner
- Laurel Amadeus, Sergio Willma and Moritz Pawn
- Squeeter social media platform
- Steve Sartor
- Karl Dasbringts and Willhelm Grätschmann
In 2009, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was released as a fantasy film directed by Terry Gilliam. The film follows a travelling theatre troupe whose leader, having made a bet with the Devil, takes audience members through a magical mirror to explore their imaginations and present them with a choice between self-fulfilling enlightenment or gratifying ignorance (wikipedia)
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS (2007) Written by Terry McKeown & Charles Gilliam
The above piece of writing is a non-profit mashup satire fiction inspired by that movie.
All rights reserved by writers of original story.
