Ask Jhang de Blannen
Anno Domini MMXVI: Jhang de Blannen, founder of Schueberfouer in the year 1340, is on his way for an exclusive talk with @luxembourgize. In that year, Sam Tanson was in charge of mobility in City of Luxembourg and the planned demolition of Souterrain du Glacis was talk of the town.
This interview, presented as a fictional coffee small talk Twitter thread in October 2016, is republished here as an illustrated blog post for better reading convenience. And because it still is a matter of debate whether former fortresses are suitable for biking infrastructure!
So the founder of Schueberfouer and probably the most famous medieval Luxembourg-Prague commuter has arrived.
Small talk!
(Luxembourgize) Your majesty, how was your trip coming from Prague?
(Jhang de Blannen) Fine, we just passed Dinselspaart.
(L.) The gate to Fortress Luxembourg when coming from Trier!
(JDB) Many things have changed here. Where is the Lymperch forest?
(L.) It is nowadays possible to travel from Prague to Luxembourg in one single day.
(JDB) Witchcraft?
(L.) No. Just technical progress for seven centuries, a lot has been invented.
(JDB) Interesting, tell me!
(L.) Coming to that later. Lymperch forest is a residential area today. With schools.
(JDB) Oh, I see.
(L.) That new quarter is called Limpertsberg nowadays!
(JDB) But what happened to Glacis field?
(L.) That coating is bitumen, a material invented quite recently. Every road uses it.
(JDB) Very good, but my question would be, what are those metal boxes?
(L.) Those are horse-less carriages, most people use them today. Even for short distances that can be walked.
(JDB, looking like he has absolutely no idea what’s being talked about) We fought battles on glacis, that’s what it’s meant for!
(L.) Nowadays, the nature of battles has changed! Do you know that in local history, you are especially remembered as the founder of the Schueberfouer!
(JDB) Are you talking about that small sheep market I once launched?
(L., showing photo) That was in your time, this is what it looks like nowadays:
(JDB, in visible stupefaction) Are those illuminated structures modern castle assault machines?
(L. shakes head) No.
Please allow me to update you on some developments.
(JDB, after initial shock & explanations on modern Schueberfouer) Absolutely fascinating.
Please tell me more about those ‘cars’!
(L.) Without using witchcraft, cars don’t rely on horses anymore. And they can be afforded by most.
In a near future, they will even be able to move around without a driver (L. shows JDB a video):
(JDB) Sorry, that is clearly witchcraft to me. And calling that ‘popular’ metal box ‘Knight Rider’ is dishonoring to noble people of my kind!
Are there any downsides with those ‘cars’?
(L.) They use quite a lot of space. And there is that issue with the yearly death toll!
(JDB) Death toll?
(L.) Ok, I’ll try to explain. The battle of Crécy a.D. 1346 had ca. 4000 deaths [including JDB fallen there].
Through car crashes, in each ‘kingdom’ of France, Germany and Italy, more than 3000 people are killed. Every single year!
We do nowadays of course also have less deadly means to move around, but they are less popular.
(JDB) Please develop!
(L., not telling JDB about planes) Public transportation with trains, trams & buses. And bicycles!
On your way from Prague, you came past Nuremberg, right? They managed to keep cars out of city!
Please compare the networks of main ‘roads’ of both cities on those two maps (same scale):
(JDB) Well, compared to Nuremberg, Luxembourg obviously does literally drain cars through its center!
(L.) So it will not come as a surprise that in Nuremberg’s city center, bicycles are more popular than here in Luxembourg.
(pulling out another photo to show to JDB)
This is how a segregated bike lane looks like in Nuremberg. Space for everyone!
And do you know the best? Nuremberg has 5x more population than City of Luxembourg.
But there’s hope. A tram and new bike infrastructure are currently being built in City of Luxembourg.
(JDB) Very well. But if new tram and new bike paths take away already limited space, but will happen with all those metal boxes?
(L.) Currently, our leaders still insist on keep them too…
(JDB) You wanted my opinion on the issue of that planned demolition of Souterrain du Glacis?
(L.) Yes, a soft mobility infra for walking people.
(JDB) If Schueberfouer still were a sheep market, keeping that Souterrain du Glacis would already be more than justified.
With the yearly death toll through cars you told me about, there is no debate about the fact that citizens absolutely do need protected ways like Souterrain du Glacis to safely move around in the city they live in and to which they are paying taxes.
(starting to get a bit furious)
Who are those fortress rulers valuing daily car invasion more than citizen’s comfort and safety?
(L.) Well Sir, thank you very much for having given us some of your time and attention. Perhaps a last word for our readers and the leaders?
(JDB) Urge your mayor not to demolish Souterrain du Glacis!
And I have to say that intra muros, I start to like those ‘bicycles’.
The above piece of writing is a satire fiction inspired by local history and active mobility politics in the City of Luxembourg.
@luxembourgize is a cycling advocate on Twitter. Explore the following hash tags for more background information and news updates: #SouterrainGlacis, #Limpertsberg and many more.
